oldEpisode Two-hundred-sixty-three: The
Train Disaster Part IX: Johnnie's Man
Knows Jack Has Found the Gun; So,
He Traps the Gang in a Train Car, and
Disengages it from the Rest of the Train.
[Air mid-March 1991]
SCENE ONE: JACK HAS BEEN KNOCKED TO THE FLOOR IN A FIGHT AND SEES THE GUN INSIDE AN AIR VENT.JACK: Tell me I'm not seeing things please.
SUDDENLY THERE IS A GUN SHOT AND HE SITS UP.JACK: Argh! Somebody, everybody.... Jennifer!
IT IS BRIAN THAT LET OFF THE SHOT TO STOP THE FIGHT. JACK HIDES BEHIND A SEAT. WHILE BRIAN TELLS EVERYBODY TO GO BACK TO THEIR COMPARTMENTS. THEY ALL START TO FILE OUT WITH JACK AT THE BACK. AS HE GETS TO THE BAR HE DUCKS DOWN BEHIND IT AND HIDES. BRIAN TELLS THE MANAGER TO KEEP EVERYBODY OUT OF THE LOUNGE CAR FROM NOW ON. THEY LEAVE. JACK COMES OUT OF HIDING.
SCENE TWO: MEANWHILE JENNIFER, FRANKIE AND EVE HAVE GONE BACK TO THE COMPARTMENT AND FRANKIE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE JACK IS. JENNIFER SAYS SHE DOES NOT KNOW. SHE DEFENDS JACK WHEN FRANKIE AND EVE SAY THAT HE PROBABLY WILL SCREW EVERYTHING UP. BRIAN ARRIVES AND WANTS TO KNOW WHERE JACK IS.
SCENE THREE: JACK IS STILL IN THE LOUNGE CAR AND IS TRYING TO REMOVE THE AIR VENT. FIRST HE TRIES TO JUST PULL IT OFF.JACK: Oh, well that's obviously not going to work. Hold the manicure too. At least I can do without a Swiss Army Knife. Alright.... here we go. Let's fork it, huh.
HE GRABS A FORK OFF THE FLOOR AND TRIES TO PRY OFF THE VENT BUT IT WILL NOT BUDGE AND THE FORK BENDS.JACK: Obviously a cheap train. Everything's disposable. How about a spoon?
HE TRIES AGAIN BUT IT DOES NOT MOVE.JACK: So near and yet so far.
SCENE FOUR: BACK AT THE COMPARTMENT, JENNIFER TELLS BRIAN THAT JACK HAD TO CALL THE OFFICE. WHEN BRIAN SAYS THAT HE'S BEEN GONE A LONG TIME, JENNIFER SAYS "WELL YOU KNOW VERN." SHE THEN STARTS LAUGHING BECAUSE VERN IS BRIAN'S FATHER. BRIAN IS NOT AMUSED AND KNOWS THAT SHE IS LYING. HE ACCUSES HER OF BEING A TERRIBLE LIER, AND THAT SHE SHOULD LEARN FROM MRS. DEVERAUX, EVE -- EVE IS INSULTED. HE LEAVES. EVE INSISTS THAT JENNIFER TELL HER THE TRUTH BUT SHE STALLS THEM.
SCENE FIVE: JACK IS STILL LYING ON THE FLOOR TRYING TO GET THE GUN. HE HAS PICKED UP A SCREW TYPE BOTTLE OPENER AND USED THE POINT OF THAT AS A SCREW DRIVER TO UNDO THE SCREW HOLDING THE VENT IN PLACE.JACK: Hahahah. Never underestimate the resources of a desperate man.... or maybe a wino. Alright, here we go, Dick Tracey.
HE TAKES OUT A HANDKERCHIEF AND USES IT TO PICK UP THE GUN. HE TURNS ROUND AND PICKS UP A BAG OF CHIPS AND TIPS THEM ONTO THE FLOOR.JACK: Ah, thinking quickly, just adding to the ambiance of the room. Gotcha baby, right where I want you.
HE SHOVES THE GUN INTO THE CELLOPHANE BAG AND WRAPS IT UP DROPPING HIS HANDKERCHIEF ON THE FLOOR. THEN HE REPLACES THE VENT AND STANDS UP. SUDDENLY A NUTTY PORTER ENTERS.NUTTY: Hey, what are you doing here? Nobody's supposed to be in here.
JACK COUGHS AND STUFFS THE GUN IN THE BAG DOWN THE FRONT OF HIS PANTS.NUTTY: You're taking a big chance bucking that cop. He said nobody was supposed to be back in here.
JACK: I understand that but I developed a bodacious thirst, running around like that and you know how the water out of those antique drinking fountains is really rather putrid. So I thought I'd just have myself a couple of brewskies.
JACK PICKS UP AN EMPTY BEER BOTTLE.NUTTY: Yeah, I know the feeling.
JACK: Yeah, so....
HE THROWS IT ACROSS THE ROOM.JACK: .... the old thirst is quenched. I.... ah.... well, you know what I got to do. I'll see you at the next hootnann....
HE WALKS TO THE DOOR AND AS HE OPENS IT THE TRAIN LURCHES AND THE AIR VENT FALLS BACK ONTO THE FLOOR. JACK STARES IN DISBELIEF.JACK: Ah.... it really is too bad about all the vandalism in here.
HE LEAVES. NUTTY IS IN FACT WORKING FOR JOHNNIE AND KNOWS THAT JACK HAS FOUND THE GUN.
SCENE SIX: JACK IS HEADING BACK TO HIS COMPARTMENT WHEN TWO PASSENGERS WALK BY. HE BENDS OVER TO HIDE THE GUN IN HIS PANTS AND PRETENDS TO BE A HUNCHBACKED RICHARD III, HE TRIES TO QUOTE THE FAMOUS LINES FROM ACT I OF SHAKESPEAREĦS RICHARD III.
JACK: "And now 'tis the summer of discontent made glorious by this son of York".... it's a rehearsal for the.... talent show.
FRANKIE HEARS HIM AND COMES OUT AND PULLS HIM INTO HIS COMPARTMENT.FRANKIE: Jack!.... Jack where have you been? We've been looking all over for you. Listen, you got the gun?
JACK: Ah.... mission not accomplished.
FRANKIE: dammit
JACK: Yeah.
FRANKIE: Come on.
JACK: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, but....
EVE: Jack!
FRANKIE: I found him wandering in the hall.
JENNIFER: Are you alright? Are you okay?
JACK: Yes, I'm fine. Oh I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm a little stiff. I mean I'm.... I'm a man of steel.
EVE: What have you been doing? Have you done something to blow our cover? What have you been doing Jack?
JACK: I haven't been doing anything. Well.... I've.... um.... the important thing is that I'm back and I'm safe and sound and actually I was just thinking of something that I really need to do with Miss Horton. If you'll excuse us....
EVE: Hold on, hold on. Shouldn't we get something out in the open here.... something here?
JACK: I really don't think so.
JENNIFER: No.
EVE: What about what I think here?
JENNIFER: Jack?
JACK: Gotta go.
JENNIFER CALLS JACK TO GO WITH HER. THEY LEAVE.FRANKIE: Eve, what's the matter with you? Why are you acting like that?
EVE: Jack has the gun. He has the gun. I saw it.
FRANKIE: How could you possibly know that?
EVE: He has a huge bulge in his pants. Did you see?
FRANKIE: Excuse me.
EVE: Frankie, I notice these things. Either he had the gun in his pants or....
FRANKIE: Okay, okay, I get the picture.
EVE: Jack has the gun. We have to get it.
SCENE SEVEN: JACK AND JENNIFER GO BACK TO THEIR COMPARTMENT.JENNIFER: Alright, Jack, maybe you'd like to tell me what's going on, alright?
JACK BEGINS TO PUT HIS HANDS DOWN HIS PANTS.JENNIFER: What are you doing?
JACK: I got something I need to show you.
JENNIFER: What do you mean you've got something you need to show me? Jack what are you doing?
JACK: Trust me, you're going to love it!
JACK EVENTUALLY MANAGES TO PULL THE GUN OUT OF HIS PANTS.JENNIFER: IT'S THE GUN! You found the gun!
JACK: Careful, careful, careful, careful.
JENNIFER: Jack you found the gun.
JACK: Yes.
JENNIFER: That means we're going to find Nick's killer....
JACK: Yes.
JENNIFER: .... and we can get the letter to use it against Lawrence.
JACK: Yes.
JENNIFER: I can't believe it, you found the gun Jack.
FRANKIE WALKS STRAIGHT IN AND SEES THE GUN IN THE PLASTIC BAG.FRANKIE: Well, well, well, Eve was right.
SCENE EIGHT: MEANWHILE BRIAN GOES BACK TO THE LOUNGE CAR TO LOOK AROUND AND HE FINDS A JACK'S HANDKERCHIEF ON THE FLOOR NEAR THE AIR VENT. HE REALIZES THAT ONLY JACK WOULD CARRY A HANDKERCHIEF AND HE GIVES IT TO HIS DOG "FLUFFY" SO THAT SHE CAN FIND JACK AND PROVE HE TOOK THE GUN.
SCENE NINE: BACK IN THE COMPARTMENT.FRANKIE: What's the matter with you? You know how important finding that gun is to Eve. It's the only way she has of clearing herself.
JENNIFER: Alright, Frankie, listen, we can explain. Jack has a very good reason....
THE DOOR OPENS AND THE PORTER THAT JACK SAW IN THE LOUNGE CAR COMES IN. IT IS NUTTY, THE PORTER, THE GUY HIRED BY JOHNNIE CORELLI TO FIND THE GUN. HE PULLS A GUN ON JACK.NUTTY: Hold it right there. Alright hand the gun over.
JACK: Ah.... it's you!
NUTTY: That's right, me. Now hand over the gun.
JACK: Ah.... he can't take the gun Francoise. I mean guns are bad, guns kill people.
HE GIVES FRANKIE A LOOK TO HELP HIM GET NUTTY. FRANKIE GIVES A SLIGHT NOD.FRANKIE: Yeah.
NUTTY: No, people kill people. Unless you want me to do that to you, give me the damn gun.
SUDDENLY EVE OPENS THE DOOR BEHIND NUTTY AND KNOCKS HIM OVER.EVE: Jack, you son of a .... AAAARGH!
JACK STRUGGLES WITH THE GUY.JACK: Francoise, help me.
FRANKIE TURNS TO HELP AND THEY ALL RUN OUT WITH FRANKIE LAST.JACK: Thanks. I love you man, I love you.
THEY ALL RUN OUT AND BACK TO THE END OF THE TRAIN, FOLLOWED BY BRIAN AND MELISSA, WHO ARE FOLLOWING FLUFFY THE DOG. THEY RUN INTO THE LUGGAGE CAR.JACK: Hey wait a minute, wait a minute, we've come to the end of the line. We can't go any further.
EVE: Jack it's all your fault. If you'd told us where that gun was from the beginning, we never would....
JENNIFER: What, what Eve? What good would that have done, alright?
FRANKIE: It'd given us a chance to figure something out here, alright.
BRIAN: Alright, alright, hold on here Frankie. Everybody, the gig is up as they say.
FLUFFY RUNS STRAIGHT OVER TO JACK AND SNIFFS ALL OVER HIM AS JACK TRIES TO FEND HIM OFF.JACK: Hahahah.
BRIAN: Well it looks like Fluffy's identified you Jack. Where's the gun?
JACK IS TRYING TO AVOID ANSWERING THAT QUESTION. MEANWHILE, NUTTY HAS FOLLOWED THEM TO THE LAST CAR AND DECIDED THAT IT'S TIME TO ELIMINATE THEM. HE UNDOES THAT LAST CARRIAGE AND LETS IT LOOSE. THE BAGGAGE CAR SUDDENLY LURCHES.JENNIFER: What's going on?
JACK: I don't know. We better find out. Quick somebody get down there. You're the policeman, go.
THEY RUN TO THE DOOR.JACK: WHOA! What do you know.... wait a minute, the train's going that way and we're going....
BRIAN: Great.
JENNIFER: It's Nutty. He cut us loose.
JACK: NUTTY, YOU....
THEY RUN BACK INSIDE JUST IN TIME FOR THE CARRIAGE TO RUN OFF THE RAILS. EVERYONE IS TALKING AT THE SAME TIME.JACK: OH! HELP ME!
BRIAN: THERE'S NO REASON TO PANIC.THEY ALL FALL TO THE FLOOR AND THE LUGGAGE COMES TUMBLING DOWN ON TOP OF THEM.
[Transcribed by Carol Vaughan
